[Sekh:] And we pulled this guy off the street to do the raffle for us... What's your name?
--Well, some people call me Marty. Or Martouf. A lot of people call me The Dead Guy.
So, Michelle, you sold that whole book of tickets to yourself, right?
We might as well start the rumors now...
My family is still bewildered that people will actually pay to eat with me.
Don't touch the hair, Colin!
It's my talk show. Just stay back there.
-- [Colin Cunningham, from backstage:] Colin has left the building.
-- [JR:] Just a minute. I'm talking up the audience.
-- [C:] I'm in the parking lot.
-- [JR:] So where are you from?
-- [congoer:] Pennsylvania.
-- [C:] I'm on my way to Pennsylvania!
You don't have any stories on me. I'm very...clean.
They know everything! It's not a bad thing when they don't have questions for you.
[JR:] You've never been through the Stargate?
-- [C:] I've never been through the Stargate.
-- [JR:] I hate to tell you, man, but it's just as fake this one. [points to half-scale 'gate on stage] It doesn't take you anywhere.
You actually think we could do The Odd Couple? Are we that odd?
[re: learning ancient Egyptian] 'Cause they dropped the vowels or something. They were really messed up back then. Man, get a dictaphone!
You can tell I'm not attached to hair. It's highly overrated.
Kurt Russell saw me, and his first comment was, "Oh, I'm so glad we've got the Pope here."
[questioner:] Isn't it true, 'cause I read this--
-- It's not.
Man, those stunt guys are crazy! Don't go out drinking with them.
They were going to send me home, because I ran out of money, I ran out of scholarship, I ran out of excuses...
[questioner, on the horses disguised as mastadges:] Did they do some special training to make them move that way?
-- Well, they were Clydesdales, and I think maybe he was just really upset.
[on horsemanship mishaps in The 13th Warrior:] And no one was worried! I know it was my first day on the set, but usually when an actor gets thrown, somebody says, "Hey, are you okay?"
And I don't mind doing a great stunt if it's gonna be on camera, y'know? 'He died doing that one!'
So one minute I was on the horse, and the next minute I wasn't.
But I wouldn't say those words. It was the stunt coordinator.
[answer to three different questions at different times:] *pause* Can I get back to you about that one?
I really miss my dogs when I leave home. Not to mention my wife.
[trying to prove that JR's favorite brand of gum makes him sneeze:] I can't sneeze, but I think I just farted.
[Me:] My first thought... actually, my second thought was 'I must make that costume'. My first thought was 'We're supposed to believe she was wearing that bra under her uniform?'
-- You hear that, guys? She's got your number. It's so easy to fool you guys.
You did a great job. I don't ever want to see that outfit again.
[on whether Sam will ever have a guy who doesn't die:] THANK you!! Am I getting a reputation or what? I'm like the black widow of the galaxy. And the one guy I want, I can't have!
[on Brad Wright and Michael Greenburg in 'Wormhole X-Treme':] If you look at the script, the last line is 'We'll fix it in post.' But they just kept going. I think neither one of them wanted the other one to have the last word.
[on Sam/Jack:] Well, it sort of started in 'Solitudes', of course...but it was really 'Out of Mind'. And it was all Rick's doing. He's standing in the hallway, and he pulls me aside and says, 'She's not wearing anything.' And I said, 'Nope.' And he says, 'Isn't it about time I reacted to something like that?'
There's such a thing as high-quality cardboard. There is so! -- Jay A
Most of the high points of my life have involved high-quality cardboard. -- Don
We're holding out on the lipstick prints. -- JR [and wow, did that not last long...]
And we will all oink the Looney Tunes song! -- JR
How much? A thousand? -- JR
To hear Don oink? -- Peter Williams
Can we start the bidding at... thirty-eight cents? -- Peter W re: a signed photo of himself as Apophis
The character is a universal badass. The actor is one of the finest men and finest actors I know. -- Don re: Peter's picture
I don't just feel it on my lips, I can taste it! It's like I'm kissing myself all the time! -- JR
Actual prop donated by Stargate Productions, worn by the actress who played Hathor: Don S. Davis! -- Peter W
So these are the actual brains behind the show, except for Rick. -- Don
You put so much lipstick on, and it kind of takes your brain away. -- Don
[Teryl:] Hang on, I need to look for my spritzer... Richard.. help me find my spritzer... No, that's blush.... no, that's floss... no, that's lipstick... KEEP BIDDING, IT'S COMING!... No, that's concealer... What? Who's talking about my thong? [Jay points at Don] Oh, you dirty little bugger you!
I couldn't find my perfume, so I thought I'd rub my body on you. -- Teryl
Where we at? -- Teryl
-- I don't know. You just made me lose concentration. -- Don
$975? Oh please! That halter will drop with a few more laps!! -- Don re: Teryl running an item
This is a fabulous piece reminiscent of a Estee Lauder compact. -- Don, re: the remote from 'The Light'
It's made of a metal type thing. It's really heavy. I mean, you could hit someone with it. Get back here and put some real mo' into it... -- Jay A, re: Malaki's gun
We've got 300 in the back, and Teryl's trying to pull a stick-up in the front. -- Don
Don't take my word for it, folks, it's not really bulletproof plastic. But it's probably very strong. -- Peter W
I can move better when I'm in my bare feet! -- Teryl She got so excited she lost three inches in height. -- Don
Y'know, JR, what would be a great idea, is if we re-enact your death with this. -- Jay A
You need another hundred dollars for Martouf to poof. -- Don
Not only that, but she will bring you back with CPR! -- Don
-- Two thousand dollars!! I'll pay!! -- JR
You'll have to ship this to your home 'cause of all that stuff I talked about at the beginning. You can't take stuff like this on the plane. -- Don
--They'll think you're from Chulak and kick the crap out of you! -- Jay A
A Jaffa utility knife to keep her at bay. -- Jay A
Let me just say, not everything Daniel Jackson wears has holes in it, but this jacket does. -- Peter W
That's $1800 for two guys who have been wearing lipstick. -- Don
I can't believe I'm wearing Richard Dean Anderson's pants. I feel richer and more powerful. -- Peter W
Oh, the adventures these pants have seen!! -- Alexis, wearing Michael Shanks' pants [and some of those adventures involved Alexis trying to keep them on while dashing around the room...]
If Jay's jacket goes for $800 and Chris finds out that his pants only went for $200, he is going to be very upset with you guys. And that's one mad black man! -- JR
[JR:] And, you know, when he's doing that protein powder? Oh yeah, there's a LOT more going on in those pants than sweating!!
[Teryl:] JR!! What are you trying to do? Get the bidding going backwards?!
[JR:] I would verify the smell, but I'm NOT going there!!
[bidder 1:] Three-fifty!
[bidder 2:] I hate you!
[JR:] I hate you!
[bidder 2:] Three-seventy-five!
[bidder 1:] Oh, my God!
[JR:] Oh, my God!
Various Congoers (names withheld to protect the guilty, and also because I didn't write down who said everything):
They let us go through the diplomatic line, because there were no diplomats going through. I was like, 'Okay, I'll pretend I'm important.'
And I'm thinking, 'My 18-year-old male partner is in the back of the ambulance taking his pants off. This does not look good.'
*sputters incoherently* Jeez! I spend half my life doing Shakespeare, and this is how articulate I am. That's just sad.
We had an exploding Frappuccino incident. I wouldn't sit in that chair.
My friend is a travel agent for guilt trips.
The number thing? Frell it. Come on down.
I have several acres of cleavage really not appreciating the polar conditions in the dealer's room.
Fish-heads, fish-heads, roly-poly fish-heads...
Apophis broke Bastet!
How come the villains always give the best hugs?
-- Because they have plenty of practice squeezing the life out of people.
JR cursed my pantyhose!
I could never deal with a mixed marriage. I'm very fortunate that Jack understands that 'in sickness and in health' encompasses the occasional possession by imaginary people.
Ten people in seven bodies, at least five of whom are really strung, cooped up in a teltac for a week. It's such fun to have them invading my brain.
And we're walking...
--Y'know, I swore I'd kill the first person who said that.
Oma left us tea! It's free! Go get some!
[on Daniel going recurring:] Well, they've taken him, if not as far as they can go, at least as far as they seem willing to go.
-- Yeah, about the only thing left to do to him is make him a host. -- [group of 5 or 6 stops dead for several seconds, then in chorus:] Oh, shit.
Dan climbed over the fence on Wednesday, but he couldn't do it again because security had a litter of kittens about it.
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