TRIAL BY FIRE I remember when everything Was so clear So simple Things were black, or were white Were wrong, or were right Were dark, or were light How can this seem to be all those at once? Please, give me a task, a purpose Give me a ship to fly, or a target to shoot Or a stone to move But please, Not a decision to make! Where is this line they told me of, The sharp boundary between light and dark? All I see is a blur I was told of two paths But there are more than I can count Branching, crossing, leading in every direction And a step on any of them Means death to someone Will it be to the pilots beside whom I have fought For three long years? To my twin? Taken away when I have just found her? To the man-machine-monster they tell me I must face? Yet without whom I would not exist? No, none of those... It seems that death will result no matter how I choose So let it fall to the cackling madman Who holds the galaxy in his gnarled fist And taunts me with my own confusion Traps me with my own feelings Let's see how he likes the trap springing back at him! Yes, I'll take the weapon, monster I'll use it, have no fear I'll gladly strike you down, Your Majesty And get your twisted laughter out of my ears forever! You claim to own me, despot? Your property, your slave? Call you master, indeed! Watch your "young apprentice" now, tyrant Watch him take off your misbegotten head! Father, no! Why do you defend him? You owe him nothing! He has enslaved you, used you Made you dance for his amusement Just as you're doing now And forcing me to do the same I won't do it, father I'm not a toy for his entertainment I'm not a weapon for his arsenal I'm a man -- do you remember what that means? It means that my life is mine The shadows can't claim me Unless I claim them And it may mean that I will die here today If I am wrong And the man I believe you to be Truly is dead. But I think I'm right I don't believe you will perform for him any more I don't believe you will destroy me And if I am wrong? Then I join my father in death The choice is yours now, father Mine has been made I will not fight you I will not come out Please, don't come in after me My friends Of course my feelings for them are strong! How could they be otherwise? How can you not know that's no betrayal? Stop it, leave me alone I won't listen any more! My sister Never! How dare you! How can you! What you have done to me isn't enough Is that it? Now you would have her take my place Your own daughter, bright and beautiful Whom you've already hurt in so many ways I won't have it You won't touch her The piddling leftovers your master allows you You think that is power? That is nothing! I'll show you power, father Show you that for all your size and strength and darkness You hold no more terror for me I am your equal, father Watch me now I am your better! That's right, father, back away! Defend yourself as best you can Have you any idea how much pain I owe you? I'm repaying it now, blow for blow You've struck at me from every conceivable direction It's time to return the favor You owe me for everything you've taken This stroke? My home is gone That one? For Ben, father Tell me, have you destroyed everyone you once loved? I wonder what you did to my mother! Look at everything you've taken from me! It's time to pay, father For my youth My ignorance My friends My illusions Do you know I always wanted to be like my father You owe me, father For my laughter My joy My family My hand! There, father, your debts come home! But you've taken more from me You've haunted every step of my life for years You may just owe me a life Stop it, Skywalker! What are you doing? What are you becoming? Do you hear the laughter? He's laughing at me Oh, he's so pleased with me The perfect pupil Following his instructions to the letter What a fool I am! You almost had me, demon In fact, you did have me But no more. I'm a free man Free to choose my own path With my own light That can weather your darkest storm It's so clear So simple You've failed, Your Highness I am a Jedi. --Valerie Lynn Meachum Summer 1988